I was the weird kid in school who didn’t say a word..

And it wasn’t down to me being a quirky introvert. 

I had social anxiety… and I had it bad.

Every school-day was full of fear, and I avoided any form of interaction with the other kids.

It was a 1980’s outer-london secondary school, with loads of “hard geezers” and I found it a scary place.

One English Lesson, completely out of the blue, the teacher announced there was going to be a “speaking competition”. 

“Oh God,” I thought. As I immediately felt the fear rise up in me.

But it got worse. Because the next words out of his mouth were that it wasn’t next week, or even tomorrow …

It was right now. In this very lesson.

The teacher had decided the 6 kids chosen to do a talk was based on how good he thought our recent essays were.

The subject of the essays was anything we felt passionate about.

Mine was on “The Case Against Fox-Hunting”.

Turned out the teacher really liked it.

So much so that he called my name out as one of the speakers.

Just brilliant.

Why didn’t I write an essay on something I didn’t give a shit about?

If I knew it was happening beforehand, I’d have bunked off the lesson..

But now, there was no getting out of it.

By the time it was my turn to talk …

Sweat was dripping from my brow. 

My stomach churned, heart pounded, and my hands shook.

When I got up, the room started to spin.

To avoid eye contact with the class, I gazed down at my yellow laced Doctor Marten Boots

The talk didn’t last long. 

I mumbled some words incoherently at turbo speed, trying to get it over as fast as I possibly could.

And when it was finished?  

Total silence.

Not even one single, solitary, half-arsed ripple of applause.

And to complete my humiliation, when the teacher asked if anyone wanted to vote for my speech as the winner, no hands went up.

The tough guys from the class really enjoyed watching me squirm.

Where was that hole in the ground to swallow me up?

It was a terrifying disaster, and the experience firmly cemented my fear of speaking in groups.

Unfortunately, this fear — as well as general social anxiety —  wasn’t something I just grew out of .

It stayed with me in adult life. 

If I caught wind of any work team-building events (especially involving the dreaded “role play”!)…

I’d take a sickie. 

Team meetings were a nightmare, 

I’d freeze the whole time, dreading being asked a question.

The social anxiety actually got worse in later life.

For most social occasions, I’d use alcohol to quell it.

To be honest, it sort of helped. 

I mean, I felt more relaxed … more confident..

But the booze-antidote ended up backfiring horribly.

It made my general mental health even worse.

It got to the point where things were so messed up, I had no choice but to give up alcohol completely.

But how was I going to get through social events and general “people-stuff” without the crux of booze?

Well, to be honest … I didn’t cope. 

After I quit the sauce, my anxiety went through the roof and I ended up in a mental health clinic.

It was here, a psychologist asked me:

“Have you considered a public speaking group like Toastmasters?”

Are you having a laugh?…. Of course not!

Even ‘normal people’ say one of their biggest fears is public speaking..

At this stage, I was having panic attacks just going into crowded supermarkets.

How could I face my absolute nemesis?

But then again….

How could I carry on living in fear like this?

I decided… I had to finally face it –once and for all.

So I Googled “ToastMasters” and found details of my local group meeting.

A couple of times I got as far as the entrance of the meeting, but anxiety got the better of me and I went home.

On the 3rd time of asking, I did the old “feel the fear and do it anyway” thing….

And I did make it through the door.

There was someone at the entrance to meet newcomers.

That was a nice touch.

The welcomer was really friendly and told me that people come to Toastmasters for different reasons.

Obviously the main one is to improve your public-speaking.

But some folk go there specifically to build their confidence.

The logic being, if you can stand in front of people doing a talk, it’ll improve your confidence in everyday social scenarios.

At the first meeting I just listened to the folks do their talks.

The thing you soon realise at ToastMasters….

Is that it’s a friendly and supportive crowd. 

Big rounds of applause when the speaker goes up to do the talk and an even bigger one afterwards.

After each talk, everyone fills in slips of paper, providing feedback to the speaker.

What went well, and areas for improvement.

The thing is…

When people talk at toastmasters, everyone wants you to do well.

That’s the whole point of the group…to help make you a better public speaker.

I took notes on the advice given out for the newbies when giving talks :

• Take a couple of deep breaths before your talk.  Breath at logical breaks during your talk.
• Look at the audience. Eye contact is important.
• There’s no such thing as too much practice.

At the end of the meeting, I spoke to the lady who’d greeted me earlier.

She asked if I wanted to do my first talk at the next meeting.

I mean sure, I wanted to come along again. 

But to actually get up there and talk…

It felt too soon.

My usual response would be to say yes, just to cut the conversation short,  but have no real intention of actually showing up.

The thing is, if I wanted to set myself free from social anxiety, I needed to give this a go. 

After all, it’s why I made the effort of coming here in the first place.

So I signed up..

The topic of the talk was something I was familiar with — myself 

Basically, anything you want to say about yourself in a 2 minute time slot.

The days before the meeting, the worry of doing my first talk was always lingering.

I did a lot of things to try to calm my body and mind.

You know, meditation, deep breathing,  yoga.. 

Despite doing all that zen stuff…by the time it came to the next meeting,

as I sat there waiting for my name to be called up….

I was still anxious as hell.  

You know what I did?

I used the nervous energy running through my body as a positive instead of a negative.

When they finally said my name, I got up from my seat with gusto and bowled up to the speaker’s rostrum with a swagger Liam Gallagher would have been proud of.

How did it go?

Well, I managed to forget two important things I’d been taught…

I looked straight at the back wall the entire time, rather than at the audience.

And I’m not sure I breathed at all.

But, during the speech I noticed the more I talked….

The more I got into a flow…

That was a rush.

And when it was all over,  it felt fab.

A couple of weeks later,  it was time for my next talk. And unfortunately, this one didn’t go to plan.

Maybe I was down to me feeling a bit cocky from the first talk going well, but I hardly practiced at all for this one.

Big mistake.

At one point I completely forgot what I was saying..

I flustered, I mumbled… 

And then I just froze.

Oh no.

Not this feeling again.

Thankfully, one of the toastmaster members helped me out and said 

“Just go from your notes.”

(Remember, they want YOU to do well)

So I did just that (thank god I had notes) and completed the talk.

Not gonna lie, I felt pretty crappy after that one.

Now this could have set me back.. 

But you have to crack on if you want to change things in life.

It’s okay to mess up. 

It’s not okay to give up.

A month later , I got a chance to do my 3rd talk 

This time the topic was a story based on a life event.

When it’s a story based on something that happened to you…

It makes it a lot easier to remember.

Even so, I didn’t want to freeze like I did in the last talk. 

So I practiced. A lot.

In front of the mirror..  

Recording myself and watching it… And redoing it again and again.

It paid off.

Was definitely in the zone for this one… I dare say I even enjoyed it!

The talk went really well..

I even got the evening’s  “Best Speaker” award for it.

I decided to push myself and give a talk outside the safety of toastmasters.

See, cracking social anxiety is all about getting out of your comfort zone.

So I signed up to do a talk, about my “mental health journey” at a wellbeing festival.

I’d been to the event a couple of years before.

There I’d heard someone talk about their mental health struggles and things they’d done to alleviate it.

I found it incredibly helpful to hear someone being vulnerable and openly talking about this stuff.

I wanted to do the same.  Maybe I’d help someone too.

And the setting for my talk?

A school classroom.

Now, that could’ve been triggery AF.

But I wasn’t gonna let that happen.

Of course, I rehearsed loads before the talk. (Practice really does makes perfect)

And when it came to the day, I made sure I got to the venue 30 minutes early.

Before I got to the school building, something happened that made me realise 

I was making progress in my mission to bash social anxiety.

To get from the car park, to the school there was an alleyway that had a 5-aside football pitch next to it.

There were a bunch of older lads playing. They were boisterous and loud.

For some folk, you might think “so what” ?

But when you’re ridden with fear and anxiety this scenario can trigger you. 

You play out scenes in your head,  imagining the lads saying stuff to you.

It doesn’t matter if it’s friendly or aggressive.. You just don’t want any interaction.

Not only that, I was wearing a T-shirt with the words VEGAN emblazoned across the chest.  

Let’s face it, that’s almost guaranteed to draw attention to you, and attention is the last thing you want with anxiety.

In days gone by, I’d have turned back and gone home. This would’ve been enough to put me off.

But that wasn’t happening today and I confidently walked down the alley with the t-shirt logo on full view.

This was proof to me that public speaking was helping.

(Note:  Unsurprisingly.. None of the lads said a word to me. They just played their footie.)

When I got to the classroom, I did a couple trial runs of my talk to the empty seats.

I felt ready for this.

As folk came in, I said a friendly hello to each of them.

And a bit of banter with some.

Having the audience on your side helps.

I’d half expected only a few people to show up.

Turned out, the classroom was ram-packed, with some folk sitting on the floor and standing at the sides.

That could have added to the pressure. 

Instead, it just added to my desire to make sure I gave the best talk I possibly could.

And when I got started, I put into practice everything I’d learnt in Toastmasters

I looked directly at the audience.

I even remembered to breathe.

It went really well. 

So well in fact, that I got not one, but two rounds of applause!

One during and one at the end.

Quite the buzz, I can tell you. 

People came up to me saying they enjoyed the talk and how much of it resonated with their own struggles.

That meant a lot.

It felt like I’d finally laid a ghost to the class of 1983.

Public Speaking through ToastMasters definitely helped my confidence levels grow.

I’m not saying it’s the only option, or a 100% guaranteed way to cure social anxiety …

But if you’ve tried other things that haven’t worked…

And you fancy giving yourself a challenge, in a supportive environment, 

where you’re around people who want you to do well …

I do highly recommend giving it a go.

Why not check out your local Toastmasters group?